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no way i am following that book on how to be fake and tease a mani'll pass
While a little old-fashioned, it was actually quite refreshing to read this book. This book is about courting, plain and simple. I think if more women would follow the advice in this book, it would make it easier for the rest of us. I know that it's not for everybody, but it does make a lot of sense.
They created a container for my energy and for my love which I tended to pour onto a man too early and way too intensely. I was a total anti-rules girl who sucked in love. Yes, they can be considered game-playing and superficial. The men who have approached me after I began following the Rules are much more decent, authentic, mature and easy to be with, and share the responsibility for the relationship.The Rules also created a gentle discipline for me not to rush to a man, but respect his male identity giving him space for action. However breaking them is a good indicator that I am hooked in a game played by a man, I am forced to do something I prefer not to do, and that I am manipulated.I would like to add that the Rules are direct, simple and easy to keep in memory. But I am grateful to them for help in creating my boundary with men who first professed love, then withdrew, and then professed again and.
The more mature person I am becoming, the more mature relationships I have. The Rules were a good discovery. I stopped being too much for a man.Another pleasant thing about the Rules is that they keep me in a yin, passive position, and I see men displaying their intentions, pains, behavior tendencies and respect, if any, toward me vividly and clearly, leaving no doubt as to whether the relationship is going to be authentic and pleasant, or another awful pain.For me the Rules are neither manipulative, nor panacea. Every time I finally found myself in charge for the relationship. As if the man stopped breathing into it, and I did the breathing for both of us. I observe the Rules to some extent but don't rely on them.
(Don't take them too seriously, and they will be helpful).
But The Rules is 100% true. I am the product of an anti-Rules marriage. In all seriousness, the authors ought to win a Nobel Prize. When my best friend read The Rules to me, I resisted every word. I guess I was too terrified to face up to what a mess my family was. If everyone came from a family where people genuinely cared about one another, the world would be filled with peace. There would be no angry people, nor hapless victims to prey upon.
I was against it because I don't believe in rules but after many references he convinced me and i took it out from the library. One thing I found interesting was the book's recommendation to never accept a saturday night date after wednesday. I don't know about you but I don't find either of these options remotely desirable. On the other hand if you are not busy why should you pass up a date with a possibly great guy. Though it's true that I found some similar sentiments to "He's Just Not That Into You" (which I do believe in) most of it just proved to me that it was a more modern version of Emily Post contrived to turn us all into perfect-wife-barbies. If you read and follow "the rules" faithfully you will most certainly find a husband but you will either spend your entire marriage A) pretending you're someone you're not or B) eventually acting like yourself anyways causing him to fall out of love with you when he finds out you're not a porcelain doll. This book was recommended to me by a friend. It makes the guys work for it and think you're not just available at the drop of a hat, because although spontaneity is exciting and nice it shows that you are just that girl he calls when he has no one else which is not who you want to be.
In conclusion I recommend this book with extreme caution. There are some things I like about this suggestion. It can be useful but use your brain when you read it. Things the book said that I will under no circumstances adopt: always act feminine because this is the kind of girl a guy wants; wear bright colors; don't show too much of yourself at first, be mysterious (yes its much better to catch him off guard with all of your flaws on your wedding night); don't tell him when he's wrong about things or argue; appear disinterested and only speak when spoken to when on dates 1-3 (this is absurd. It's short but I still didn't read the whole thing, just skipped around to the parts that seemed they might be useful. One thing the book didn't touch on (or i just haven't gotten there yet) is guys that start out as friends and turn into more.
Like I said, there were still some sentiments I appreciated, such as: he should be the one to ask you out and do most of the work until you're sure about him; don't expect moving in together to make him fall magically in love with you or fix his commitment problems; if you feel good about yourself and put work into YOU then guys will notice you more and be more likely to think you're interesting if you do; never stare at men, they should notice you first; only kiss on the first date. the kind of guy i want thinks a girl who doesn't speak and looks around instead of at him is BORING not mysterious).; avoid talking about serious subjects on dates 1-3 (yea just let him ramble about his favorite sports team, that's interesting). My instinct is that they would be completely unsupportive but who knows. Never be anyone other than yourself.
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